Older gay for me

The Gay Man&#;s guide to creating a profile that speaks to who you are. Plus: two profile red flags to glance out for.

I&#;ve been online dating online since I came out at At that time, online dating was the primary option for gay men to come across other gay men. There may be more options available now, but I still find it to be my go-to internet dating method.

My preference for the online dating pool may be because my social circles don&#;t bring me into contact with an abundance of single lgbtq+ men, or because it&#;s interesting to meet people who are outside my everyday experience. It is, as they say, what it is.

The debut of &#;a website that promotes mindful dating&#;is exciting. I wonder, though, if what we are being mindful about will be open to wide interpretation. To me, mindfulness means being conscious of and engaged in the Universe and respecting its laws, and in improving oneself in peace with those laws. To others, &#;mindful&#; may imply something different. The gathering of these minds, though, starts with a profile.

Take mine, for example:

Hi everyone! It&#;s nice to come across you.

My nam

Thomas Gass, a dentist in California, has survived the curse—twice. The curse? Gass is a gay male whose only sexual attraction is to men significantly older than he is.

Gass lost his first loved one, 28 years his senior, through the slowly failing effects of Lou Gehrig’s disease after they had been together for 13 years. After recovering from his grief, he start love again with a man 18 years older but endured another tragic loss when his second partner died of pancreatic cancer after they had spent 17 years together. Still a relatively juvenile man, Gass might wonder whether or not to take a chance on loving an older human again. For him, however, the choice is between an older man or no man at all. Gass and his friends—all of whom had confused older life partners—have labeled their abiding sexual attraction “the curse of creature attracted to older men.”

I began to study lgbtq+ relationships with age disparities while conducting research for my book, Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight. Gass and I started to correspond after he and his friends had read and discussed my essay

Gay Relationship Advice: Age Gaps in Gay Relationships

Many of my LGBTQ counseling clients ask me why they are only attracted to gay men younger than themselves. If you are happy online dating gay men in their twenties, then this question is not important. It&#;s like asking &#;Why do I prefer blondes over brunettes?&#; My advice is to let yourself enjoy dating whomever interests you (as long as they are over the age of 18).

Age gap relationships are more common than you may realize. In western countries:

• 1 out of every twelve male/female couples has an age gap of 10 years or more
• that number increase to 25% in male/male couples
• and 15% of female/female relationships

That same study indicated that age gap partners are more satisfied and more committed to each other than partners of similar age–though there is some study that points to a correlation with higher rates of divorce. Research also shows that couples with an age gap of less than ten years are happier than those with an age gap greater than ten years. You can find more details on these stats on this episode of the pod